International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day can be comforting heading into the holidays

Eight years ago, I was three months into my grief journey when I participated in my first International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day. My dad had just taken his life, two months after my wedding. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I’ve come to appreciate the event’s proximity to the holiday season.

November is a tough time for bereaved families. If grief could be compared to a thermostat, the pain dial seems to turn up in perfect sync with what’s happening outside. The weather turns colder, we hunker down for the winter season and we brace for the difficult reminder that a loved one will not be joining us for upcoming holiday celebrations.

This can also be an isolating time of year. There are frequent reminders of family and togetherness appearing through household windows or in festive decorations lining the streets.

However, participating in International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day reminds us that we are not alone in our complicated grief or in experiencing these heightened emotions. It gives me a supportive boost for the challenging weeks ahead. I can absolutely appreciate that for some, having to think about and live through suicide loss this time of year leads to polar opposite feelings of anger, hurt and frustration. Every survivor and survivor experience is unique.

Finding the Comfort I Didn’t Know I Needed

 That first year, I was living in downtown Chicago and had a couple of months of survivor of suicide loss support group meetings under my belt. While that period felt extremely foggy, I knew one thing for sure: talking with and relating to others who’d experienced a similar type of loss were among the things that kept me going. By then, the memorials and friendly check-ins had begun to subside, but I was nowhere near ready to move on from my dad’s suicide.

I decided to ask my family residing in the Milwaukee area if they would be interested in joining me for an International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day event, held at an area hospital. I was so relieved and happy when they agreed to attend.

That day, we joined dozens of other families in an auditorium to hear from speakers experienced in traumatic loss and participate in a conversation about our loved ones. We were still so new to this loss that a reading from the illustrated book “Tear Soup” felt perfect. (This kind book guides readers through the heartwarming recipe for grief recovery.) I remember the floor opening for questions and I asked how long it might take for me to get back to the activities I enjoy, such as working out. I appreciated that I could be open about how hard my loss hit me without the worry of judgment.

What I liked most about participating in International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day that year was gaining hope that it wouldn’t feel “like this” forever. My grief would evolve with me. I also decided that I wanted to continue talking and sharing about my loss. Doing so in support groups and through blogging helped me and I hoped it would bring comfort to others.

Having had years now to meet many other survivors and gain a better understanding of the factors that may lead someone down the path of suicide, I am more aware that suicide knows no bounds. I used to believe that suicide “doesn’t happen to people like us.” I’ve shared tears and hugs with survivor parents, siblings, children and friends who have become part of the club nobody wants to join. We join together with shared interests of prevention, education, and awareness. But, most of all, we appreciate that we do not have to navigate this difficult journey alone.

On International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, I’m reminded that I am surrounded by others who understand how difficult it is to experience a loss of this nature. I am also filled with hope that time will continue to reveal new research and insights into the causes and prevention of suicide so that fewer people are forced into “the club.”

Giving Back on International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day

Last year, I realized that I was ready to play a bigger role in the event and offered to speak at a gathering in Michigan. I feel inspired to give back to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention based on the help and comfort I’ve received from survivors before me. I shared the lessons I’ve learned over the past eight years, including granting myself grace to grow and evolve with my grief. I also took the time to participate as an attendee, creating a memory pin and talking in guided small groups categorized by the time period out from our losses.

I think about how far I’ve come in my grief journey since I first attended International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day – but also how far I want to keep going. There’s a myth that grief after suicide loss has a specific timeframe. I live with my loss daily and that is OK. I am thankful that there are resources and community to keep me company along the way, particularly this time of year.

If you’re curious about attending a local event, visit the event locator to find one near you. If you live in the Chicagoland area, Jessica will be co-leading an event in the northwest suburbs.

Have you attended before? What was your experience? Do you have any questions for us before you attend this year?