This Memorial Day, we are sharing again a post by guest blogger Heather who lost her brother, a veteran of the U.S. Navy. She and her family still struggle with the reality of Lane’s death but hope to prevent others from experiencing a similar loss of a loved one.
I lost my brother Lane to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) on April 23, 2015. He was one of the most loving, funny and caring men I’ve ever known. He truly was an amazing brother, friend and father. Like so many other families, we didn’t see this coming. Lane never showed us how deep his despair or pain ran, instead always giving us his smile and putting others before himself.
Lane served in the U.S. Navy for eight years and was deployed three times. He rarely
spoke about those years he was deployed and, if he did, it was in a lighthearted way. But, he never told us he was diagnosed with PTSD. He stayed with my family in our home, went to work, spent time with his daughter and seemed like he was forging ahead.
I was working the day he passed. I talked to him twice, my husband went and checked on him, my mother talked to him and he fooled us all into thinking he was fine but tired. He did leave a journal with nine pages about how he felt and his mistakes and his hopes for his daughter. It’s full of pain and regret and things he couldn’t control. He shared thoughts on his past and what he thought would be his future.
Lane took his life in a motel room. My husband arrived on scene before me and met me at my car. I dropped to my knees and threw up. In one second, part of me was gone with him. The rest of our family had to drive six hours knowing he was gone from us. I would like to say that we are all doing well, but it’s far from true. We’ve accepted he’s gone but all of us are changed in ways that can never be fixed.
This did change my thinking though…. How many others like Lane are out there? How many other veterans or those battling PTSD are suffering in silence? A group of us started the Lane Logan Foundation and an annual memorial bike run to raise money for vets and help them obtain a companion pet. If we can help even one other family from suffering this loss then we are in a sense winning. While it won’t bring my brother back and it doesn’t lessen our pain, it’s a goal. I miss him everyday and I always will. You can learn more on the Lane Logan Memorial Facebook page.
God Bless you and your family. What a wonderful goal you have set to help veterans. A big comfort hug to you all from a fellow survivor.
Thank you… And thank you for reading my story.
Heather, I lost my son to PTSD on Jan 21, 2015. He was in the Air Force, deployed twice. and like you never saw it coming. He was funny, I thought he was happy. The days go on but like you said, our lives are changed forever. I don’t seem to cry as often but I often cry. I miss his physical being. I will forever have memories but I will never have my Seth back. He was 25 and did not have children. I’m not sure if I am thankful or sometimes sad that I cannot see him through his child. But anyway, my heart and prayers go out to you.
Hallo all,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son last year, age 17, obviously couldn’t deal with his chronic disorder any longer. My husband is a wounded Vet, has TBI/PTSD and some other invisible injuries. We feel cut off by now. I think the transition from military life into civilian life is quite exhausting. The expectations are different, to us they seem often quite trivial. There was definitely more of a community on Post/Base than there is in the civilian life. In the article below it describes it pretty well too. It was indeed more like a 1950s community, your friends and coworkers lived right next door, if you felt lonely, you walk your happy butt next door. This is how we family members left behind dealt with the constant deployments, we were never really alone. Now we are supposed to integrate into this cold civilian world where everyone tends to stay to themselves, there is no one we can talk to about what we have experienced or our daily troubles, there is no one in the same or similar boat. Military mentality is just different. Many of us develop “very dark humor” to deal with death, injuries, and all the other tragedies in our communities. (jokingly talking about it, everyone in the military gets it, it’s our way to cope)
What I am trying to say is leaving the military and “going home” is everything but going home, it’s a sudden change in reality and new territory after so many years. I still don’t like it. I am alone most of the time, the neighborhood is deserted during the day, on weekends everyone is running around getting these trivial “chores” done. For us it was “entertainment” with who knows how many other buddies. Oh and yes, the buddy system, our soldiers have battle buddies, so do the families at home, we have very tight knit circles of friends, often in the same neighborhood/building, always someone to run to and that someone will understand you. In the civilian world – not a chance. They are cold as ice, busy with their “chores”. I guess that’s their way to survive. Our was just different.
I personally still don’t feel “home”. Home was where the Army sent us, we made it home too, but this? I don’t want to be here, I am missing the Army we ones were so integrated in, now we fell out, there is no support and if we don’t feel well; now we are told “go see your doctor at the VA”. A doc, psychologist and/or therapist can never give us back what we ones had – our community. Now my tight knit support system is scattered all over the US – it feels like a ripped apart family and we miss them all terribly. These people really know me, they have been through the worst with me; my own family obviously doesn’t or doesn’t want to see our side of things. Our own family feel like strangers to us. They absolutely cannot comprehend on any level what we have been through these past 20 years or so. While they were in college, we fought wars, rushed from duty station to duty station, experienced one deployment after the other, not a quiet minute and now – silence at the edge of society.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/29/military-veteran-suicides-prevention_n_3791325.html
My brother died by suicide in 2012 after serving 2 tours, we had no idea how bad things were as he always put on a happy face and helped others.
Heather and family I am so sorry about Lane. You guys are all doing a wonderful job with the Lane Logan Memorial. Thanks to all of you my son became the first for you to help. I am so grateful for all you have done for him and welcoming him and me into your family. I so hope we soon get to add another vet to the family. Keep up the good work and you all have so much love to give to others. I believe Lane is looking down all you all and is very proud of the work you are doing. Bless you all and all my love.
My son lost his life to PTSD on April 22, 2015 after serving 20 years in the Navy I feel sorry for all of those suffering from PTSD and make God bless their families !