On our grief journey, we spend a great deal of time alone. Life moves on, people move on, at a more rapid pace than we do. Often, the world moves on when we are finally ready to talk about the events that have recently occurred. 
We become bitter at the people around us. How can you be so happy when you know I am so miserable? The sunshine doesn’t feel so warm and comforting, the little things don’t seem to give us the same joy that they did before. We begin to question if we will ever feel joy again. Sound familiar? I can write about, because I have been there. This quote sums up everything that I had to learn after my dad’s suicide. The grief journey is one that we walk alone. There are people there to support us, encourage us, and sometimes guide us. Similar to running a race. There are people running along with you, bystanders holding signs and chanting encouraging messages. But it is just you and the road. You are the only person who can cross that finish line. In your own time, at your own pace. Remember this as you begin your day. You set the pace on your journey. You begin to see the beauty along the road. You feel the warmth of the sun, when you are ready. In your own time, at your own pace.
Jessica very well said. People are there for us they just don’t know what to say! It can be infuriating when you hear this but then you need to remember, they really don’t know our feelings so how can they put them in words.
What has helped me since my wife’s death 6 mos ago is that I have reached out when others have reached out to me. I talk openly about my grief and my wife’s depression that killed her. I try to ‘teach’ those around me about the why’s a tragedy like this happens. So going forward those ‘signs of encouragement’ from them for me on my journey are written with more feeling and support and the sun starts to shine again!!
Great insights!!
Jessica,
Am I mistaken or confused—but did you post this sentiment earlier on this site? I feel like I read these very words before. Perhaps, deja vu?? Either way, the words are just as meaningful as when I read them once before, or at least imagined that I did.. Yes, grief certainly is a mighty lonely road, but thankfully you do feel the sunshine on your face somewhere further down the road. It just may take some time to get there.
The quote has been used before, but the words are new! I just love what the quote says, and I wanted to reuse it:)
It has been 19 years since my husband’s suicide. I’m sill in pain and so are my 4 children who were very young at the time. I’m so stuck and cannot find not much of the time. It feels so impossible to move on, even after all this time.
We are so sorry for your loss Jayne. Have you ever heard of complicated grief? It is a real illness, per say, like depression. This could be the root issue when it comes to trying to overcome your husband’s death. This is a new concept that was not around 19 years ago. I highly recommend finding a therapist in your area that has knowledge of this. It can be extremely helpful, and freeing!
^^^^cannot find JOY^^^^
Hi Jayne,sorry to hear about the pain of your loss.Yes it may seem that 19 years is a long time.But its not really, I know people with a much longer time frame and still feel its only yesterday.And they found joy again.Every body is different.I cant tell you what to do because I cant really feel your emotions.You are the expert of your own self. Jessic’s advice to seek a therapist is a good idea but make sure its a breavement therapist and not a mental one because the problem is beteavement and a good breavement therapist can help.Time does not heal,it does help in a sense of putting a distance from the event,but what one does with the time is important.Many things you can do to help you and the kids right now.It does not matter about moving on; its best to stabilize your self where you are.And joy you know is not a destination; it just comes , we dont have to think about it,Joining support groups can be really the tonic, meeting people like yourself,talking and talking about your husband to other people in support groups and blogs like this can be really helpful.I lost my daughter to suicide over 2 years ago and believe me I felt so bad,it was like falling into a bottomless pit.I have worked so much since on the guilt,grief,regrets,anger,sadness you name it and to-day I have not I know ‘moved on’ but I am stronger and am getting stronger evetyday.I found support groups the best and websites such as this one and Sosl.So grateful to them for their help.Also communicating with my daughter through mediums etc.Finding the connection again,the love that was replaced by grief.And then I found grief began to fade but not completely as it is part of us and moreso now that we recognize it.So Jayne dont give up,some day I know you will wake up,I can promise you,and joy will be there.I cant say it has happened for me yet but I know I am on the road to it.Take care.
Hi Jayne,
I am sorry you still feel so much pain and I think we will all always feel some type of pain. I currently go to therapy weekly and also belong to a suicide bereavement group and that has helped tremendously. Being around people who understand how you feel and have walked in our shoes really helps. I would suggest giving it a try. Grief is so complicated and I don’t think we ever get over it I think we just learn to live with it. xoxo
Thank you Jessica that was perfectly said. I lost my husband 2 years ago to suicide we were both 38 then and now have a 4 year old son. The road has been dark. I know the sun will shine one day and I can’t wait to feel that warmth.