For today’s motivational Monday post, I wanted to try something a little different. I encourage all who read to answer one, two, or all questions below. You can write your answers in the comment section. Know that you aren’t alone. Know that there is someone out there who not only understands, but feels the same way. 
1. WHy are you grieving? I am grieving the suicide of my soul mate of over 33 years.
2. What is hardest time of day? When I wake up in the morning and reality sets in that Steve is no longer here. Equally as hard is at night when I go to bed, staring at his empty pillow.
3. I miss the belly laughs we shared together.
4. What is your fondest memory? The day we met at Jones Beach. He was a lifeguard on a run and I chased him down on my roller skates.
5. My support system includes my cousin Terry, my best friend Judy (since we were 6 years old), my friend Mike (we graduated high school together in 1971 and Steve mentored Mike’s son) and my friend Kathy, we danced together for many years.
6. I wish my friends would say ???
7. What season holds the most memories? Summer, Steve was a triathlete and his company produced races on Long Island and he himself participated in many triathlons.
8. When alone what do you do? I am alone most of the time and I just plod along through life.
9. The things that help me the most….. yoga
10. I will lean on my friends Terry, Judy, Mike and Kathy
Yoga has helped me also. I started to dabble in painting too. I listen to meditational music and guidance on you tube and practice. Breathing is the biggest thing that helps me so far. I lost my 15 yr old daughter almost 15 months ago
1) My wife Donna of 17 years passed passed on Oct 23 2016
2) The hardest time of day is at night when I am unable to kiss her goodnight.
3) I miss her smile, bright eyes and soft caring voice.
4) Fondest memory is the night I met her and spent 3 hours just talking and knowing I had met my soul mate.
5) my support system is a combination of my two sons, Donna’s sister, Father , Grandmother. The numerous friends that come from our neighborhood, kids, work and past. Also Donna’s therapist who continues to this day to be a great sounding board when I am discussing her passing with my kids.
6) I have had this very discussion with many who express the following ” I can’t imagine what you are going through?” ” I don’t want to say anything that will upset you or the boys” ” I don’t know what to say”. I always tell them the same thing, we all loved Donna and are all going through a loss. All they need to say “How are you doing? “And not be afraid of saying anything wrong.
7) Fall was her favorite time of year.. mine too
8) When alone I grieve when I need to grieve. Then I get on with life and know our kids are my priority now.
9) The thing that helps me most are our kids. One is graduating High school this year and the other is finishing his second year. Both talk cry and laugh with me about their Mother.
10) I will always lean on my friends and family. I know that I do need help and have to ask for it!
I just love that you allow yourself to grieve. You are a true blessing to your two sons. Allowing them to feel the pain with you, is a great way to help you both heal. And yes, you do have to ask for it! People simply don’t get it unless they have been through it.
Thank you for sharing Jean. When you feel ready, you should attend a triathlon…perhaps the one on Long Island. It seems like a great place to feel his presence. SO happy to hear that you have friends to lean on.
I miss my mum
What season holds the most memories: nov 1 to 21st
We are so sorry for your loss Vanessa.
1- My father committed suicide last November 7th.
2- No specific time of day. It’s situational
3- I miss knowing he’s back home in PA
4- 46 years of memories. Can’t really say one specific
5- My wife and kids. Which is both a blessing and at the same time difficult
6- I don’t really need them to say anything. With the exception of very close family and friends, most aren’t aware of how he died. And even if they did, I’d find most comments or attempts to tell me how I “should feel” or “It wasn’t your fault” to be more annoying and angering than helpful.
7- Season? Not really
8- Keep busy. Watch tv. Household chores. Run errands
9- I suppose doing this. Keeping busy and my mind distracted. Doing everyday things that a dad and a husband does.
10- My wife to a point. She’s dealing with this too along with all the “un-thought-of ” responsibilities that accompany handling someone’s final wishes, cleaning out a house, dealing with realtors and cold calls from obnoxious house flippers looking for a cheap deal, planning a memorial service, dealing with the Catholic Church and their frustratingly rigid funeral rites and dogma, family members wanting everything they see because of vague claims of some knowledge or memory of something that they’d forgotten about for 40 years until they just saw it now and want it to remember my dad, deciding where to donate his clothes, which to keep and which USMC memorabilia to donate to the USMCRC Memorial Museum and on and on and on…
11- Wondering how big of a doobie I’d make if #1 I smoked pot and #2 Debate to myself why I worry about #1
Sighhhh…..I need a vacation
So much of what you said hit home! #6…yes! People try to be helpful, but what they say almost feels as if they are telling us we are wrong to feel the way we do. #10, marriages. What makes this loss even more difficult is how it changes us as a person. Which means our relationships also change. The marriage has to adapt to who we now are….which is not always easy. It is a journey. And never underestimate the power of a vacation:)
Not really answering the question but have learned that Saturday is the worst day of the week for me. I’m off work every weekend and I was so used to my son always wanting to go to a restaurant & pick us up some real food; no fast food for us! And if he went to the
Hunting camp with his dad & brother, he would always, always call to check on me. Now I don’t even bother bother to shower & dress on Saturdays. Usually just lay in bed with the TV on for noise.😪
Do not beat yourself up for your Saturdays! The weeks are filled with distractions, that often prevent us from feeling the pain. We have to feel the pain; that is the only way we grieve. Allow yourself to sit in it. If you were doing this everyday, that would be another thing. But once a week?! Don’t beat yourself up for that! You are doing great.
My son took his life May 14, 2015. He was 28 years old…. finghting his own demands for most his life……. left me with 7 beautiful grand babies.
Fondest memory.?
My last conversation with him…. the conversation on the phone lasted 2 hours. We talked about everything…. it was one of the most healing conversations I have ever had……
When I am alone?
I talk to him all the time, I ask him what he wants me to do. I have his kids every weekend if not more. His children are my beautiful presents from him…. he asked me a couple of years ago, if anything ever happens to him, that I would raise his kids as much as I could and I plan on doing just that.
Favorite season?
The summer season was always the best. We always went camping ,to the desert, and the river.. When he got older and had his kids he always looked forward to going with us on all our trips….
Beautiful Marci. You should write down the parts of your conversation with him, so you never forget them. What a special memory.
1. I am grieving the loss of my oldest son who was a victim of suicide on 6/19/14.
2. The hardest time of day is when I wake up and reality sets in, also right before I go to sleep.
3. I miss his laughter, his sense of humour. Our daily talks while we were both commuting to work.
4. My fondest memory is him at the shore with his much younger brother and sister; he always had time for them.
5. My support system is my church ( spiritualist church) as we believe life is continuous. My therapist Christina who has been my lifeline these past 32 months. She always tells me “We choose our parents before we come here”. So my son chose me! My husband who was not the biological father of my son.
6. Tell me about your son.
7. Christmas and the summer hold the most cherished memories. He always picked out such personal gifts for each person.
8. Read a lot about the “afterlife” and books about suicide. I go for walks and talk to my son out loud or in my head.
9. The things that help me the most is nature, enjoying a simple walk, looking at the trees and flowers. I think nature has a healing power.
10. I will lean on my friends who have also lost children, not just to suicide.
I Hope you continue those morning conversations with your son.:)
Yes I do every morning of every day
People say I dwell on him to much, I know they don’t understand but I’m fine alone. No one really understands I don’t have a support system so I just Tind to stay quite I know my friends feel like they need to say something but in actually they just need to be next to me, they don’t need to say a word. So I stay to myself.
Unfortunately and fortunately people do not understand unless they have experienced this type of loss. Don’t be afraid to tell them what you need. Sometimes people need a little direction:)
1) Why are you grieving?
My only sibling, my brother Roy, took his own life on 5-15-2015 at the age of 50. That was 10 months before I lost my oldest of 2 boys, Jonathan, in a horrific motorcycle accident on 3-16-2016. Jonathan was 23. These 2 major losses so close together find me (at times) knocked off my feet by deep grief.
2) My fondest memory…
of Roy was when he met Jonathan for the first time. Not yet a dad himself at the time, he doted on and loved my boy immediately and completely. It was a beautiful thing to see them together and I knew when he had kids of his own he would be a wonderful father. Roy was also very much my protector when we were young. We came from a broken home and being 2 years older than me a lot of responsibility fell to him at a really young age. I remember knowing that he was always there for me.
3) My support system
is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has been the best support system and in my opinion the only way through this season of pain and loss.
4) I lean on
my church family. They have been so incredibly near to us for both of these events. There has been help in very tangible ways like financial support, meals and just sitting with us in our pain. There are also cards, handwritten notes, text and social media messages that continue to come – often at just the right moment.
5) Things that help me the most
is leaning in hard to the love and mercy of my Creator. In the moments of confusion, disbelief and just the painful reality of living without both Roy and Jonathan He shows Himself very near. He is tender and gracious with all of my emotions – including the hard ones. What a gift to be in His care.
Susie, I am so very sorry for your losses. I lost my only brother and my dad to suicide in a 10-month period, so your story really struck a chord with me. It’s devastating losing two people in such a short period of time, and I can only imagine the horror of losing a child. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers.
Susie, we are so sorry for both of your losses. Losing two people tragically is incredibly difficult and simply not fair. I hope that your faith continues to help you through. Faith can be a blessing in the darkest of moments.
I am grieving my son, my only child
I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if that was the time of day he ended his life
I miss his saying I love you Ma which was said to me every day
My fondest memory of him is watching our favorite TV programs together and laughing and laughing
I have no support system except for internet groups. I live overseas. My husband, who is not his biological father, tries his best but he does not understand.
I wish my friends would just email me and mention his name.
My favorite season was Christmas we would always pick out the tree together and decorate it. When he was young we always had a big Christmas party with a house full of people. He was the life of the party.
When alone I look at things on the internet I think will help me with my grief
The things that help me the most are writing poems and letters to my son getting my feelings out.
I lean on my faith and the fact I will be reunited with him when I leave this life.
It has been almost 3 years and I am still angry with my husband. We worked hard all of our life to retire and enjoy it. He took that away from us. Every time I see an older couple holding hands and laughing I get angry. I have my part-time job and my dog that helps me thru the day. Its getting warmer so I can also work outside, He was my best friend—- I miss hm.
Thank you so much, that is such an amazing idea!😀
1, Why are you grieving? My best friend, my beautiful, selfless sister felt hopeless and took her life. She was alone when she made this decision. I grieve that she suffered alone. I grieve growing old without her.
2. The hardest part of the day 1) morning, 2) waking in the middle of the night 3) the rest of the day.
Thanks for allowing me to share..