New Years after losing a loved one to suicide can be difficult for survivors. New Years is supposed to be a time of happiness and hope. Year after year I listen to people as they talk about what they plan to do to make this year better than the last. The gym is filled with new faces, as people pour in, promising to live a healthier lifestyle. New goals are set, projects are planned, and promises are made. When I think about it, New Years truly is the time when I feel people are the most hopeful. “This is going to be my year” is often the theme. But what about those who are still grieving? The people who can’t possibly see past today. A New Year may not offer that same hope that it once did…or can it?
Hope is a funny thing. It is not tangible. It is not something that we can see, and it is certainly not something that can be given to us. Hope can be something that is often trumped by the realities of daily life. We can wake up one morning thinking, “Today is going to be a great day” only to have one thing after another go wrong before you even eat breakfast. It is amazing how quickly the hope that we feel can be diminished by the realities of life. This is especially true after losing a loved one to suicide. I remember the year following the death of my dad when hope was the last thing I had. That’s the thing about tragedy; it completely alters your worldview. Suddenly the bad things you may have worried about the year before, are nothing compared to the worries you have today. I have been asked by many how I have been able to overcome such a tragedy. So, how have I been able to move forward? With a little bit of hope.
Hope for me was not an easy thing to find. After the loss of my father, the world just didn’t seem right. I was bitter, angry and sad. I did not understand why something so tragic had to happen to me and my family. I still don’t necessarily know why it had to happen, but it did. I had to come to the realization that this was my reality, and there was nothing I could do to change it. I needed to stop living in the past, and start living in the present. What I found was that hope doesn’t live in the past; it lives in the present. Like I said in the beginning, hope is not something that can be given to you. It is something that YOU need to feel. There certainly are supports that can help us feel hopeful, but it is up to us to actually BE hopeful. Being hopeful doesn’t mean that everyday needs to be perfect, or that you need to be perfect. Let yourself be human. If you feel sad and angry today, allow yourself to feel that way. Just hold on to that hope that tomorrow will be better.
Know that bad things will happen; that is life. But remember that good things will happen as well. Sometimes we just need a little hope.
Wishing you all a year filled with more HOPE than the year before.
Thank you for your message of hope. I do think it is necessary to hope at least a little. My father used to counsel us after a recent death Remember the good times! Our son committed suicide on a beautiful summer day in August. He was a gentle soul and touched a lot of people,s lives with his quiet, intuitive nature. We are aware now very much so that the greater the love the greater the grief…we have chosen to march on as he would have wanted us too…we look forward, we have glimmerings of joy again. we are learning to live with a new normal; we are going forward with new strength and understanding. Sincerely, a father, a mother and a sister..
Thank you for this post. I found it insightful and helpful, as are all of them.
Thank you for this -really needed it this morning, (it’s NY day, here in Australia) it feels like someone really understands.
Thank you so much. I lost my big brother and best friend a week before Thanksgiving. New Year’s Day brought the realization that for the first time, I was walking into a new year without him and without a part of my soul that I buried with him. I’m writing this from my office, where I should be working, and can barely see through the blurry tears to type. It just makes me somehow feel better to know that someone else understands how hard this is. Thank you so much.
We definitely understand. Be kind to yourself and know that it takes time to work through the pain of suicide. We hope that our posts continue to help you on your journey.