Grief following the loss of a loved one by suicide is exhausting. I don’t think you can truly explain to another person how difficult it is. It is something you have to experience for yourself. You are stuck in two worlds; one, where you are forced to pretend everything is ok, and the other where you allow yourself to completely fall apart. Often we spend our days pretending to have it all together. This is usually accompanied by comments such as, “you are so strong” or “you appear to be doing so well”. 
Yet, hidden beneath the surface is a heartbroken soul counting down the minutes until you are able to fall apart. And then we wonder why we are so tired all the time. Am I depressed? Is there something wrong with me? The simple answer, “no!”. You are grieving! There is no need to try and explain how hard it is to someone who cannot conceptualize the magnitude of your pain. They simply can’t. What can we do? Continue to power through. It is actually healthy to put the pain aside for a bit in order to get through the day. And it is equally healthy to fall apart after. We need to feel the pain to heal, but we also need to put it aside to survive. When you find yourself questioning why you are so exhausted, remember this quote. Remember that grieving is hard. Remind yourself that you are doing what you need to do in order to survive. Lastly, give yourself credit for the strength you possess and have hope that tomorrow will be better.
I feel as if my heart and soul are suffocating from my grief. Unable to get past the overwhelming saddness and be there for my Boy’s
I am two years out since my Dad’s suicide. Is it normal to still feel this way? I ask myself a lot-am I depressed? Is there something wrong with me? Is this normal after two years…???
It is normal, spend time with your other close family members and remember all the beautiful moments you had together. <3
Yes and no. There is such a thing as complicated grief. Which is a form of depression. If nothing brings you joy or makes you happy then depression is a real possibility. When we grieve we are in tremendous pain, but we still are able to feel joy and happiness. It just might not be as frequent. Have you spoken to anyone, like a grief therapist? Or attended a support group? I highly recommend both if you haven’t. Becky and I met at a support group, and it was the best thing I did for myself.
I am on year 6 following my dads suicide and still struggle everyday. I am just now considering the idea of support groups and therapy, considering is the key word. I’ve learned to never give myself a time frame for healing, our lives are forever changed and we are forever changed. Each year I learn how to cope a little better but the pain doesn’t ease.
This is so true. It will be 2 years tomorrow for my wife’s suicide, but it isn’t really feel like that long ago. I still clearly remember we had an argument that morning following which I went out for couple of hours. On return , I and my 8 year old son found her hanging from ceiling fan. Still those screams of my son echoes in my ears. Life has turned upside down , no base , no pillar to support , no motivation or encouragement to live… Not sure for how long I will be able to survive… I don’t want to in fact, tired of doing things just for the sake of it.
I understand exactly how you feel. A zest for anything in life is dead. When they ended it, they also killed the part of us that can endure. It is so exhausting. But, you have your son ! You think that he may be better off with someone else. It has been 15 mos. since my son ended his life and my other son has been ill a long time, in the hospital, now. My heart hurts for you.
Ash I know and I feel as you do. As my husband did the same 20 months ago after we had words the night before, so it is grief and guilt we are having to live with. You are all your son has and he has been through such a traumatic time and he really needs you. My children are 16 and 20 but still need me. It may be good for you to see doctor as I have been on anti depressants for a while as I felt often like just going too. I hope in time it gets easier for you. I spend my time keeping busy and doing my best not to dwell on a situation I can’t change.. Take care of yourself and your lovely son.
First off…..I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife.. My heart breaks that you found her, and that your son was with you in that moment. I lost one of the people I loved the most a little over seven months ago, and know firsthand how impactful the grief is. One of the best things I have done – and I don’t mind saying, I did this and am still doing this for my own sanity – is to seek help through a grief counselor. Take your son with you, see the counselor with him or separately, whichever is best for both of you. I know how much it hurts…..sometimes a day at time is all I can manage…..sometimes it’s an hour, or even a minute at a time. Please go talk to someone……your son needs you and you need him; togethernyou will find a way to cope and somehow move forward. It seems impossible, I know…..hang in there. Sending hugs and love your way
Found this very helpful!
I have been on Both sides of this painful subject.Finding support is difficult.And if I hear It could be worse,etc I just want to scream.I now just keep shut
Thank you, I am sharing with our members of the closed fb group TCF-Loss to Suicide for parents, grandparents and sublings of suicide loss. . It’s a great introduction piece for our newer members and especially those new to the Suicide Survivor Journey. Thanks for helping to explain why we are so exhausted and that we are normal and it’s actually healthy and the things we need to do when fumbling through this new reality. I am an admin for the group and would like to share other articles that are helpful to the issues being discussed. Love your efforts in our world of support and education.
It’s just gone past the third birthday for my son Angus since he took his life at 23. It’s so true about keeping it together until I can fall apart each day. I know this is my new normal and it helps reading such raw feelings in a way that I find so hard to express. Thank you.
I feel exactly as described in article, but it’s not because of a death by suicide, but rather the death of my husband. My soul mate. My best friend. My love.
26 months into this and now my gp is second guessing her decision about not sending me to a shrink. I’m sorry. Medicating the patient to make everyone else feel better is NOT how I want to deal with my complicated grief. I’m not supposed to be suppressing my feelings, so why does everyone want me to? Grief is eating me alive and I just don’t care. I want him back and can’t. He was my everything and now everything is gone.
My brother committed suicide 14 years ago and I swear it still feels like it was only a couple of years ago. It took me over 10 years to let go of the resentment I had because I thought he left me here all alone without consideration since I was his little sister and he was my only brother.
For those of you that (Jannine & Ash) question how long grief should last, there is no specific time. I’m the biggest and the first to put grief to the side and continue as if nothing happened, then I walked into a store past the men’s section and saw a shirt I thought would be so good for him, then it hit me that he was gone and no matter how pretty the shirt he would never wear it! I left immediately, drove home and cried the whole weekend.
I don’t think there is a limit or order of how or when we grief, I think is more of allowing that part of the brain to have its moment. I know it sounds more clinical but after 14 years I finally mentioned it to a therapist and she explained how the “amygdala” part of the brain that holds memories and emotions, grieving and reacting to the past memories, it actually doesn’t understand past or present, it just understands that it needs to deal with the pain of the loss and it will expose itself at the most inopportune time. So I’ve been lucky to have these bursts of emotions at the weirdest moments but soon after I started to accept. I accept is not my fault, I accept it was his choice, I accept he didn’t do it to hurt me, I accept he was done with his life here on Earth, I accept there is nothing I can say or do that will change the outcome. I’m learning how to let myself feel the emotions, the loss, the desire to see him one last time. But after so long I’ve accepted that his life journey was and is different then mine. I will love him until the end of time and I know he’s around me when I miss him most.
INDEED exhausting. I lost my father 12 years ago and it feels like yesterday pretty often. I don’t know what to do to overcome the emptiness. It’s not fair to my family, children and grandchildren. I have so much to be thankful for.
My father was my best friend and I never dreamed he would take his own life. He shot himself, which I cannot express how he must have felt to die in such a violent way and all alone.. My GOD the nightmares I have every night are exhausting. I’m sorry does not begin to express my guilt for not being able to save him or be there to stop him