I often write about this notion that grief has a clear beginning and a clear ending. My desire to continue to write about this is driven by the consistent comments I get from other survivors about feeling like they are “not normal” for not moving forward at the pace that their inner circle deems appropriate. My advice? Stop talking to the people that make you feel like you should be further than you are. 
The energy you waste trying to explain yourself to them is energy you need to keep for yourself. As a grief therapist I often get asked, “When will the pain go away?” My response, “That is up to you.” Grieving takes work and dedication. Dedication to relearning who you are without the person you lost. This can take one year, or this can take five. It is different for everyone, as everyone has a different relationship with the person they lost. Be kind to yourself on this journey. And find people or a person who will allow you to feel.
This is by far one of the most difficult parts of this journey for me. Fortunately most people around me cannot understand the devastation that has been brought into my life. That is fortunate of course but leaves me feeling like an alien amongst others. I don’t feel normal and they don’t understand that. Just having passed the one year mark some things are even more difficult because the veil of shock is lifting more everyday. So I go around trying to act “normal” for lack of a better word and few even know that I am still horrified and shocked every day! Luckily I have at least a couple of people that I can share things with and they cannot fully get it but they are very sympathetic and understanding of how it must be for me. Not many mention it anymore and when I express that I am having a hard time they ask “WHY”, it is so hurtful and mind boggling when I get that response but I must realize they are not having to face what I am. This makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out sometimes, it really does. It makes me so angry at times also. I just keep reminding myself of how fortunate they are and that their lack of understanding is a blessing for them. I have read and have also been told by a friend who experienced something similar in murder/suicide that it may be about 4 to 5 years before I feel I can live a normal life and after 12 years they still think about it everyday and imagine they/I will for a lifetime.
I think that pain that we feel we will go away, When we stop loving our love ones. That means never, but we need learn how to live with this pain. Thanks for all your support
Six years six months for me and my husband. Jo Holly was 27 in 2010 when she hung herself. Our lives stopped and when they began again nothing was ever the same nor will it ever be. She was a high school art teacher and artist. She could sing like an angel cook rearrange a house so it looked new again. She hiked camped swam loved all of Gods creatures especially frogs. How do you accept losing all that? Dreams and hopes forever crushed along with our hearts.
You don’t accept it; you just learn to live with it. Life will never be the same as it was prior to the loss, but it can be good again. We just have to figure out how to navigate through the pain to find peace.
Almost 1 year ago it happened. My daughter was 2 months from turning 18, and a very intellegent, artistic, caring young lady. She would look across the table at me, making eye contact, and say that she didn’t think she would ever grow old. It was me, her mom, that she looked at. Of course we all would say in response to this comment, you have a beautiful life and can live a long beautiful time. I did not at all understand her deep pain. She didn’t know how much we loved her, nor how much we saw in her that was so useful and helpful to others. At her funeral, many students from school and church, mentioned to me, how they felt alone and my daughter reached out to them. She reconized pain and loneliness in others and in her youth, was able to help others, but she couldn’t help herself nor allow herself to be helped. This is our heartbreak. Oh my, how I miss her. I’m so thankful for her faith, and that one day I will see her again. This is my hope. Not everyone will find this comment helpful, I understand. But without it I wouldn’t have a thread to hold onto. The one year mark approaches, and we have made plans to help us through it. But oh how I wish I could go back one year.