Today, we welcome guest blogger Kenneth, who is one of many brave readers who knew ahead of time suicide might occur with a loved one. Kenneth details the difficult but loving place he came to, accepting the wishes and loss of his brother.
The Suicide Of My Best Friend and Brother
“I did not accept the death of my best friend and brother as being real at first. I was so
terrified to go to his family’s house and help sort out his things. But, it pushed me onwards through phases of grief. My journey has only just begun as he died this past Easter.
His death was a shock to many but no surprise to me. I had the unfortunate “fortune” of being his closest confidant. We talked about this often so it was not unusual subject matter for us. He told me how grateful he was to have such a good friend and true brother to talk to about it. He said no other friend or family member understood him like me. This kind of relationship carries an extra burden: one I would not wish for anyone to have to carry. He asked me if I’d forgive him if he killed himself, I said I would, and I do. I am very lucky to have loved, and been loved so much by another human being. In this fast-paced world of high-tech gadgetry, it’s nice to know some human emotions have not been scarred.
At first I wasn’t sure I’d make it, either. Now I’m sure that I will. I am a better person for having had my brother in my life for 35 years. He said that he was, as well. Some may not understand the depth of our friendship. They ask, “If you knew why didn’t you get him help?” The answer is simple, I loved him unconditionally and he asked me not to.
His health issues were persisting from childhood and he was tired of being pricked and prodded. He was tired. Now he is at peace, at long last. I have no regrets, I just wish he were still here, as there is a void no one or nothing can fill.”
– Kenneth D. McKenna Jr.
Kenneth, what a beautiful, brave story. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 17 year old last year. He had health issues since childhood too and I guess he “decided” he doesn’t want to go on like this. He didn’t tell me, of course not, I am his mother and would have done anything to keep him around, but I think his desire to not live was stronger. I love my son unconditionally and still do, I will have to accept his choice, even though it’s so very hard.
((hugs)) and much love to you and your family.
So sorry for your loss Kenneth. Big hug. One day at a time is all we can do. What a wonderful friend you were to him. Indeed you are blessed to have shared such a wonderful friendship with him.
Thank you for sharing your story. Really hit home here. Lost my brother in Jan of this year. Hope you continue healing on your “new” path.