When I lost my dad to suicide I spent a great deal of time running from the pain of suicide. The interesting thing about my pain was that it took time to actually hit. I always refer to this time as “the distracted period.” We often think we are doing pretty well. Then something happens. 
The bottom falls out, the ground we are standing on no longer seems sturdy. The pain becomes intense and feels overwhelming. We don’t want to feel it. Who wants to feel intense pain and sadness? I certainly didn’t. Yet what I found was no matter how fast I ran, the pain always caught up to me. The pain followed me everywhere I went in an effort to avoid it. Pain has to be felt. We can’t heal the pain, without feeling the pain. This is not an easy part of the grief journey, as it goes against everything we believe to be true. So, how do we heal the pain? We cry. And I am not just talking about a tear here and there, I am talking about allowing ourselves to sob. The not so pretty sobbing that often leaves your eyes puffy and your nose running like a faucet. We allow ourselves to feel pain, but also allow ourselves to set it aside when we need to. Healing the pain doesn’t mean that we are always thinking about it; it just means we aren’t running from it. Join a support group. Find a grief therapist; a therapist who truly understands grief and how it impacts your life. Most importantly know that it is ok to just lose it when we need. Pain demands to be felt; the more we avoid it, the stronger it becomes.
Thank you for that. I have had my own struggles with avoiding the pain of losing my husband. Its true that avoiding it will not make it go away.
A wonderful and oh so true post. I am ten month’s out from the loss of my only daughter who at age 33 took her life by a sgwtth. I don’t think we can wrap our everything around all of it at that time and gently but horribly it is really shooting me right in the heart these days like huge daggers. I hurt as bad as I could in the beginning but with time comes this type of pain you refer to. Big hugs to us all.
Thank you for sharing. This is so true.
Yes. I was very fortunate in that I found an incredible grief counsellor who taught me to go deep into my pain and sadness, to allow it to happen and know it was natural and part of the healing. Its still early days for me, just 4 months after my son died by suicide. The sadness, cryiing hits like a freight traun. I let it happen. Everyones journey is different. I hope we all make it ok.
Well put. <3
I am sorry you lost your dad. Thank you for your post as sometimes I sob uncontroably and now I know it is part of the healing process. It is true that pain is our constant companion and there is no escape. That being said your comment we cannot heal our pain without feeling our pain rings true. If we did not love we would not grieve.