Many readers wonder how to broach the topic of suicide [prevention] with their kids after the loss of a loved one or when learning their child is at-risk. Today’s guest blogger, Sarah, became a prevention advocate after watching her daughter struggle with suicidal thoughts and addiction and offers tips for initiating a careful discussion.
“Teens keep suicidal thoughts a secret from their parents for all kinds of reasons. It wasn’t until a few years ago when my daughter found sobriety that she told me about the struggles she’d had as a teenager. I never had any idea she’d been wrestling with thoughts of suicide. It wasn’t really a topic we spoke about — looking back, I realize it should have been. But how do you do it?
Keep an eye out for the warning signs.
Don’t be blinded by the “teenage” aspect. My daughter went from being a bubbly extrovert to a withdrawn homebody. Everyone told me it was just the inevitable hormone change that comes with puberty, and I wanted to believe them. I know now that I witnessed some of the key warning signs of teen depression. If I had simply asked my daughter why she was no longer interested in going out with her friends, maybe she would have told me. Even if she’d said nothing was wrong, I could have taken the opportunity to remind her how much I loved and supported her. I now embrace the mindset that I’ll never miss the chance to let my child know I’m there for them, free of judgment, no matter what.
If you suspect your child may be having suicidal thoughts, approach the subject delicately. They should know that you’re trying to make sure they’re safe, not feel as if they’re being interrogated. It helps to identify specific behavior that’s been different lately and why it concerns you. Tell them you aren’t attempting to pry, but you want to make sure everything is OK. Reiterating that your concern is out of love may help them feel more at ease.
If your child does tell you they’ve been having thoughts of suicide, actively listen and ask questions. It will be tempting to panic, but by keeping a calm head you can better focus on what they’re telling you. Listen without judgment and be open to what they say; show them you want to understand.
Talk to them about treatment options and work together to decide on a next step. It could include seeking the help of a counselor, committing to setting time aside each day to talk, or even treating a codependent problem. Everyone should feel comfortable and confident about the plan moving forward.
Don’t let suicide be a taboo subject in your home. Keep the lines of communication open with your family so that no matter the topic, your home is a safe place.”
About the Author
Sarah Lockwood is a concerned parent and former social worker. She spent decades working with the public and after watching her own daughter struggle with addiction, Sarah knows all too well the devastation that comes with drug and alcohol abuse. Her daughter is now in recovery, but her experiences inspired Sarah to get involved with ThePreventionCoalition.org. She hopes to spread awareness and support through her work for others dealing with addiction.
I wish all this would have saved my daughter. We did all of this, but after a while she acted happy again and we felt relief. She took her own life this last November. My life will never be the same.
I wish I had that conversation with my son who ended his life by shooting himself in his bedroom while my wife and I were at work almost 2 years ago. My son had been diagnosed by what we were told was mild depression, and ADD. Pretty obvious our therapist grossly under estimated the depths of his depression, and in the 2 years she saw him never discussed suicide prevention with us.
I am still angry with her. As his a mental health professional it was clearly her job to help prevent this worst of possible outcomes, and educate my wife and I about suicide. May still have not saved him, but feel we were completely blindsided. If we had known amore about suicide would have talked to him about it on a regular basis. We would have secured the gun….. We also found out from his ex girlfriend she had known he was suicidal for several years. She never warned us, and then dumped him to as she put it to toughen him up. People need to talk about suicide, get educated, anything to prevent it,