Why does it take a tragedy to make us aware of what really matters in life? One struggle I have found many survivors face after a suicide is caring about other people’s small stuff. Survivors will tell me that they feel anger and resentment towards others who complain about situations that seem so miniscule. 
We no longer look at the world through the same lens, yet the people around us do. This is extremely difficult as we work to reunite ourselves with the world that we now live in. I look at life much differently than I did before. While I have always been a sensitive, empathetic person, my dad’s suicide made me less judgmental of the world as a whole. I have also learned to appreciate the little things that I never would have looked at prior to this tragedy. What makes me sad, is thinking that this is all a result of my dad’s death. For a long time, I resented those around me who would get upset by the small stuff. I would think to myself, “I would do anything to trade situations with you.” In time I have learned to alter that view. I now am thankful that I don’t get upset by the things that just don’t matter in this life. I let go of the resentment, and somehow felt lighter as a result. Resentment does nothing but weigh you down at a time that you already find it difficult to get up from the ground. I don’t know why my journey in life has presented more challenges than others around me. What I do know is that because of those challenges, I am able to see the world through a lens that is more sensitive, empathetic and kindhearted.
So true. I am the same. There are many changes that come about in us and in others because of the suicide of someone close to us. One of them is, like you say, the ability to look at the world through a different lens with a more sensitive, non-judgmental heart. Although very sad, there are some benefits to loss.
” We no longer look at the world through the same lens, yet the people around us do. This is extremely difficult as we work to reunite ourselves with the world that we now live in. ”
I’m still going through difficulties with anger at innapropriate times with the people around me I love the most …. but it’s true that for me things are completely in a new perspective, but realizing that they aren’t on the same page makes a lot of sense. I hope this will help give me strength not to be so quick to judge… a few days ago my partner asked me to let him know why it is that im so upset when i am, and ive been so angry that i had to even say because ive been thinking about Jillian (my closest friend in this life, she took her life this past September) and I was angry that he wanted to know just so he could feel better… but then today was a particularly hard day for me and I sent him a text that I was upset because I was thinking of Jill, and i didnt say anything else to him, but went to my bed and began to panic. He showed up home earlier than he would have for lunch because I had told him, and he held me, and helped me feel okay about just letting myself go (he could tell I was holding back). It’s a perfect example where normally I would have let the anger blind me, and then I would have denied myself the care & support I needed and deserved. Maybe I’ve been too hard and too angry at everyone, myself included…
Thank you for this helpful post today of all days… I hope this can help someone else too by showing a practical example of letting go of my anger for his want to be “in the know” and how it turned my day around completely…
This is very true and well written. The biggest thing that I feel I’ve changed is not worrying so much about money. I have and will always be able to get through a tough money situation…it has ALWAYS happened. In that regard, I remind myself that I work hard for my money and I can’t take it to the grave with me. Now, I’m working harder on creating memories with my youngest child that i no longer can share with my daughter. I say that i’m down 2 kids now (my oldest will be 21) so lets enjoy the time we have together.