Grief following suicide sucks doesn’t it? I mean nobody really wants to lose anyone they love, rather it is by natural causes or some tragic manner like suicide. But it happens. Death is a part of life. After I lost my father, I was taken on a journey that I never saw coming. I am a planner; someone who likes predictability. Natural death, while extremely sad, is predictable. When I lost my grandmother, a woman who I spent my life admiring, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I did not want to say, “goodbye” to this woman who meant so much to me. Yet I did. I let her go, I mourned her loss, and I moved on. So, why was this much harder after the loss of my father? I attribute much of it to the predictability of her death.
Predictable deaths are very different than unexpected loss, While the pain is often one in the same, the journey is much different. Unexpected loss throws potholes, barriers, and speed bumps on what already is a pretty bumpy road. It often takes longer to get to our destination as we try to maneuver our way through. We will hit potholes; ones large enough to even pop a tire. We might be stuck on the side of the road for awhile, but eventually the tire is changed and we can keep moving forward.
I use this analogy to try and offer hope to those who have struggled with grief following suicide. I want you to know that as a survivor, I understand how difficult that journey can be. I know the obstacles that are often placed in the way. While we cannot predict where they are, or when we will hit one, we can mentally prepare for them. We can have hope that moving over this obstacle will help us get through the next one with more efficiency and less pain. I don’t believe that my grief journey will ever end, because my dad is no longer living. I will always feel a sense of loss and sadness, because it hurts that he is no longer here. We often look at our journey with a mindset of, “when will it end?” Maybe the road doesn’t end. Maybe it just gets a lot smoother.
My brother was 9 years younger than me so we were always very close. On June 17, 2013 for some unknown reason he decided he had lost all hope and committed suicide. This was something I never thought would happen to him. He was a happy go lucky person, had a great family, was very active in his church, good job and no problems any of us knew. I have struggled with this loss for almost 2 years now and at times it doesn’t get any easier. Just want you to know that your blog has helped me a great deal.
We are so sorry that you lost your brother to suicide. We hear so often that it seems to come out of nowhere. Although we are sadden by your loss, we are happy that our blog has been of assistance to you!
Thank you for this – I am 18 months into this horrible journey after the suicide of my husband and it is just relentless. I believe in that “smoother road”, I’m just not there yet. Reading this helps though, thank you.
Keep believing in the smoother road and know that sometimes the road is smooth and sometimes its bumpy…its all just one long journey. The journey can help us become stronger than we ever imagined. Sometimes it just sucks getting there. We are here to help!
My heart goes out to you. It is just over 2 years since I lost my husband to suicide. The pain is terrible and I just wish I could move on and put this behind me but it is not that easy, big hugs xxx
I lost my best friend, my father, to suicide in 2012. The pain never goes away. You just become better at managing it. You don’t ever get it over it. Anyone who thinks that is completely ignorant. I am glad I found this site. I will continue to explore it. I am sorry for all of your losses and that we are in this “club” together. A group we did not choose to belong to.
I also want to say thank you for this blog. I lost my father 07/25/14 to suicide. I can relate so much to what I read on here. It’s more helpful than almost anything else. Thank you.
We are so sorry that you also lost your father to suicide. Although we wish nobody had a membership to this club, we are happy that our blog has brought you comfort as you grieve. We hope we can continue to support you on your journey!
I lost my beautiful daughter to suicide in November 2010. Going into the 5th year has got harder and I am at a very low ebb, have nobody that understands the pain other than my husband and younger daughter. Just a mention of her name means so much, most people never talk of her as though she never existed.
I completely understand what you are referring to. When I bring up my father in conversation, often times the response is silence. It bothers me that others feel uncomfortable speaking about him. I wonder if they would act the same way if he died differently. I also understand how sadness can continue. We feel sad when we remember that our loved ones are not with us to share in the various pleasures of life, especially the ones we always assumed they would be present for. I am so very sorry that you lost your daughter. I cannot take your pain away, but I can say that I understand the pain you are referring to.
I lost my daughter as well on September 17, 2011. She left me to raise her beautiful daughter. It has been a very bitter sweet journey. She started kindergarten yesterday and the pain and memories of her mom came rushing back to me. I feel like I start all over again with my grief for every milestone my granddaughter goes through. The pain is unbearable at times. I am glad that I found this site so that I can share my pain and journal my feelings with people who understand.
Thank you for this.
We are happy that you found our site! What a bittersweet journey you are on. Seeing the world through your beautiful granddaughters eyes is a true blessing. You are both so fortunate to have each other. I think the hardest thing about grief is the perception that it has a clear beginning and a clear ending. Grief doesn’t have an ending, because we never stop loving or missing the person we lost. In the beginning grief is at the forefront, and in time it starts to take more of a backseat role in our daily life. But then an important milestone happens, and there it is. It is a hard journey, there is no denying that. The blessing is the time you now have with your granddaughter. We are here for you on this journey!