This past weekend I had another “bittersweet celebration,” an event that was very exciting, but was bittersweet because my Dad wasn’t there to help us celebrate. My brother graduated college in May, and our old neighbors (some of my Dad’s best friends) threw a graduation party for him. It was such an awesome gesture, but it stung knowing that the reason they threw the party is because my Dad isn’t alive to throw the party himself.
Going to the party wasn’t nearly as upsetting as the holidays have been the past few years, however, they were in the back of my mind the entire time we were at the party. It made me sad knowing that my Dad wasn’t there to see my brother graduate. And it must have even been harder for my brother himself, who didn’t have either of his parents there. It was even weird being a block away from our old house (which we sold a year ago). What was nice and comforting was seeing all of my Dad’s friends come together to help my brother celebrate—friends from college all the way to friends he’s met the past few years.
I try not to think too far in the future about all the events my parents are missing out on, it just makes me too upset if I think about the years to come. If I bounce ahead to future events or holidays, I start to cry and over-analyze something that’s months away. Many times, the anticipation leading up to an event is worse than the event itself. But, for me, the holidays are always so much harder than some of the day-to-day things. And when those times do come, I let myself be upset. I don’t try to stop myself from crying. I try to do what I want to do and what I think will make me feel better. For now, I am just trying to do a better job at acknowledging the things that are upsetting me and trying to take the loss of my Dad and missing him one day at a time. Survivors unfortunately must face many of these bittersweet celebrations after loss to suicide.
How awesome that they did that for your brother, Its nice to know there are caring people out there..
Allison, yes it was SO nice that there were so many of our family friends that wanted to help celebrate my brother’s graduation!
Sometimes those “big” “non-holiday” events can be just as hard often cause they catch us of gaurd. Just knowing that something important in your life has occurred and they were not there to experience it can be so overwhelming. I know for me it will hit me and think wow this is how it will be forever, will it? It can even be a small milestone that I then get so overwhelmed with. so overwhelmed that i feel i will pass out from the anxiety. how can they not be here to experience this. would i feel different if it had been another way they had passed?
my brother celebrated his 30th bday yesterday. i think about my 30th and my step siblings 30th. my dad made each of those so special. and my brother didnt get that.
all of those upcoming celebrations that he wont be there. we have my grandmothers 90th bday (his mother) next week. another celebration that will have a feeling of someting missing….
hope this gets better with time…….
my heart goes out to you and your brother
emily
Emily, I feel the same way :-/ It was hard for me several weeks ago hosting a baby shower–just knowing that my future children won’t know their Grandpa. And I do think those “non-holiday” events creep up out of nowhere and kind of slap you in the face. For me, I get worried about the holidays for weeks at a time, but maybe it’s easier because you know it’s coming versus the “non-holiday” reminders that can be anywhere and show up at any time.