The sudden, unexpected loss of someone to suicide can leave survivors searching for answers. Following my dad’s passing, I frantically sought out clues or signs that he was ok, wanting to know that he reached a better place and was now relieved of his emotional pain. Even more, I wanted to know I was somehow still on his mind and that we would maintain an eternal connection.
After losing someone to death of any kind, I think it’s natural to try and pursue some sort of after death communication, regardless of religious beliefs. Based on the situation, the questions and needs for reassurance may differ, but it’s human nature to want (positive) closure or perhaps avoid closure by keeping communication going in some way. There are even television shows these days dedicated to the topic of making contact with someone after death.
In comparing notes with other survivors, it seems as though many have found unique ways of pursuing after death communication with their loved ones. Some pray, some observe “signs,” like coincidences or songs at the right time. Others find ways of inviting the presence of their friend or family member by lighting a candle on special occasions and wearing or displaying a personal memento. Days after my dad’s death, I did feel like signs were frequent…. The ability to locate documents or information quickly, people stepping in to support us, bells ringing at the cemetery. It gave me the feeling, even if made up in my head, that things might turn out ok and that he was “alright.” As time passed, I felt like these signs became less frequent. It worried me that memories were blurring or that our connection was fading. I’d hear a significant song now and then, but for some reason, signs weren’t present when I seemed to want them the most.
Something I’ve had to get over is expecting a sign to appear “on demand.” I figured that I lost my dad in such a traumatic, negative way that he or the Earth really owed me one. For example, after multiple hours of a flight delay, I’d say, “why would you let this happen to me? Don’t you know what I’ve been through?” expecting the plane to suddenly depart. Or, I’d struggle with trying to sell my home and say, “why can’t you just send a buyer my way?” I became frustrated. I expected a sign in the form of a magic wand to be waved over any stressful situation. Only recently, have I realized how silly this had become. In fact, I even felt it was a bit selfish of me to be so demanding of my dad after all that HE had been through. I lost sight of the innocence and beauty of a little reminder here and there. I forgot that even if sporadic and less frequent, those unexpected signs somehow felt more special.
There’s an old adage that things happen when you stop stressing and looking. I feel better with the pressure for these signs to occur lifted off my back. And, every so often I’m delighted with moments like a beautiful sunrise, a nostalgic memory or a unique song that I know were special to my dad. I’ll leave getting through some of life’s everyday irritations for myself to navigate.
Did you experience signs from your loved one after they passed away? Do you pursue after death communication with them now? Tell us about your experiences.
When my 24 year-old son ended his life six years ago, in 2009, I suffered raw emotional pain that was excruciating and nearly intolerable. Although, his choice of suicide wasn’t a shock. He gave me several warnings since the age of 14 when he spoke, matter-of-factly, about not wanting to live.
I am not ‘religious’ and never considered myself particularly spiritual. I certainly never believed in angels or spirits. But, throughout my life I have had occasional psychic experiences, some in which I had precognition of an event where I described seeing details of what was happening before it actually happened. I was seeing (or perceiving) with my mind, not with my eyes. It seemed I had superior intuition, and that my Sixth Sense was active. All along, I didn’t focus on these experiences or my abilities primarily because nobody else I knew talked about such things.
In constant agony after my son died, I kept asking myself and the air around me “Where is my son? Where did he go? He has to exist somewhere! He couldn’t have just disappeared!
This anguish and uncertainty was quite unbearable. Then, exactly seven months after my son died, I was walking through my kitchen doing ordinary tasks in the middle of the day, and my son came to me in a vision that was as real as reality can be. He looked exactly the same as the day he left, and he was wearing a long flowing robe that was made of thick light-brown fur that had angel wings on the back of the robe. He looked at me with a big smile and said to me “Mom, I got my angel wings.” I know this was my son and thus, my new quest was to discover that my son’s soul is alive and well. His earthly body died in 2009 but his soul never died.
I have come to know that life is forever; our souls never die; the physical body isn’t who and what we are.
I am still in search of answers to many questions about our existence on this planet, but the special visit from my angel son gave me peace and comfort.
Thank you for sharing your story X my son has recently taken his life (29) I am searching for answers/signs that he is at peace. Your brave sharing has given me a glimmer of hope
I lost my mother to suicide 9 years ago. I lost my husband to suicide 2 months ago.
I’m a very rational, scientific, see-it-to-believe-it type, however after my mother died, I began to question what I believed about the afterlife.
About 2 weeks after my mom’s death, I saw her walk by the kitchen. I was looking straight on and saw her slowly float by. I didn’t believe in ghosts. I knew I wasn’t hallucinating, but there she was.
I then began researching after death communication using a voice recorder to find electronic voice phenomenon (evp).
I asked if my mom was ok. I asked, “where are you?” When I played back the recording, I heard my mom’s singsong voice say, “in heaven”. That put my mind at ease since my mother was very religious and was fearful of going to hell.
After my husband died 2 months ago, I set out to try to speak with him. I did finally get an evp that was clearly my love’s voice. I asked if he was ok and if he was happy. He replied very clearly, “I’m happy!”
That gave me peace that after all his torment and anguish here on earth, that in spirit, he is now whole.
Jennifer – this is really amazing! You are the first person I’ve heard to do this and now I am very intrigued. Thank you for sharing about your experience with us. We are so sorry that you have experienced these losses.
I had a “dream”, my brother Keith was waxing his beloved truck on my parents driveway. He was surrounded by some sort of haze. He looked at me & smiled. I smiled back. I asked him how he was doing, and he said good. Then I asked him about mom & dad, he said they were doing well also. He said there is no food in heaven, because you don’t need it. I wanted to ask him so much more. I awoke with a very deep sense of peace. I had been thinking about him a lot lately & having a hard time. I feel as though he reached out, to let me know, that he’s ok. Keith took his own life April 17th.
That’s a lovely dream, Lesley. It’s wonderful how dreams can sometimes help to bring us that desperately-needed reassurance or closure.
My son died in 2014. I always told him he was my heart. Since he died I have found many small hearts in nature. Some are rocks, some are leaves, even a pinecone. I also seem to see hearts in clouds, even in my food. I’ve started to take pictures and have them in a small album. They bring me much comfort and smiles. It is definitely something he does for me and I thank him each time I find a new one.
That is truly amazing! Thank you for sharing
My youngest son Mick took his life on 10th November 2015 one day before his 21st birthday. 3 weeks after his passing I felt and saw him hugging me. I felt his warmth and there was a second smiling image of him watching him hug me. I have had several things happen since then. I often smell cigarette smoke especially at night. It is comforting to know that his spirit is very strong.
I am not a religious, or spiritual person by nature. I believe in science, evolution…. That being said while I have had seen nothing I would interpret as a sign, I have had a couple of profound dreams since I lost my 20 year old son, and only biological child to suicide 18 months ago. He shot himself with my own gun while my wife, and I were at work. We came home that day, and walked into this ongoing nightmare.
At exactly the 4 month mark I dreamed I was in a classroom type setting, and suddenly noticed my son was there. He looked much like he did before he passed, had a big simile on his face. I ran up to him, crying, and gave hug. I asked him if he could stay, and in my mind heard him say “I can’t” I then asked him why did you do it? In my mind I heard him say ” It was just me” As in just himself. He then turned around, and took off his shirt. I noticed he had a large blood red type tattoo in his back that was not there in life. He then walked thru this set of double doors into a hallway, and disappeared. I took after him but could not find him.
A couple months later I dreamed it was at night and I was walking by his bedroom. I saw what appeared to be in the shadows my son at a toddler type age sitting at the end of his bed, though I could not see his face. I also saw to my surprise and older version of himself about the age when he passed laying down in the bed. Again I could not see his face, but knew it was him. He got up, and hugged him crying uncontrollably when I heard him call me “Daddy” much like he used to when he was younger. It startled me so much I woke up with tears in my eyes.
While I am still not convinced there is life after death, those dreams have given me the bit of hope I have that my baby, my son is still out there in some form. I have seen my son in a couple other dreams , but nothing where I heard him say anything. In both other dreams he seemed happy. I so wish this whole thing was just a bad dream, that my son did not choose to end his life that day with no warning, no note, no reason to believe he was suicidal….
I just hope that if he is out there like all of our loved ones he knows he is loved and missed beyond words..
The autopsy report states: Death by Suicide, and it has taken me months to open the document and read it through. My handsome son Chase, whose name means dweller of the woods; to hunt to chase. He was 24 years young when he argued with his Dad , and ran into the woods with a 22 caliber and ended his life long emotional struggle. The document cannot define the date or time he died because we were unable to find him until Wed. the 25th of June, 2014. The heated last words were spoken on Monday the 23d and that is the last time he was ever heard from. To say my heart is forever broken is an understatement to the depth of grief only understood by the parents left in the wake of such tragedy. I knew Chase loved finding Arrowheads and fishing in remote brooks far off the beaten path. He loved horses, and giving children pony rides. Chase learned to play the guitar when he was 14 and facing a serious open heart surgery procedure to correct an aneurysm that was missed by the professionals. The first song he played was Simple Man by LynrdSkynrd and the lyrics echoed all my hopes for his life. Chase did not care about fancy clothes or fast cars. He wore Carhart jeans and a brown vest, camoflauge in the fall as he was an avid hunter . Chase refused to take anti depressants and I am not all that convinced if he had that the outcome would be any different. I am learning that life is fragile, and comes with no guarantee. There is a stigma attached to suicide that I am all too familiar with. People avoid the topic and for fear of saying something that might be upsetting, instead they say nothing. This is the unsettling part, because it denies he lived , he existed and he is dearly missed. My son reached me 2 weeks after he died through a intricate webbing of divinity. His story is so profound and I hope to gain the courage to pen his legacy one day. Thank you for allowing me to share snippets of a life lived, and greater soul lost to this plane, but soaring in eternity of peace. My heart feels all of your sorrow, in light forever Chase’s Momma …….
I would scoff at all those “people” going to church on Sunday even though I was brought up with Sunday school and church. After my son left by suicide on June 19 2014 I felt this need to find some essence of him. How could he be gone, what puff disappear for ever? I joined a Spiritualist church in a nearby town, the Pastor was a former Catholic nun. During the last part of the service there would be a platform demonstration of mediumship. What? I listened intently as the pastor gave evidential messages to members of the congregation. I was “gobsmaked! ” That was 24 months ago and since then I have had true evidential messages from my Mum and my son. The messages contained dates, names and events that only I could validate. So, that being said, I think our consciousness does survive physical death. Call it Heaven, The Afterlife but it’s somewhere………….Something to think about.
When my grandmother died, my dad told me that years earlier, she had promised him that she would send him some sign to let him know that she was okay. Soon after, my dada had a vision of my grandmother, along with many other visions and extremely erratic behaviour. Months later, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Since I lost my dad to suicide almost 1 year ago, I’ve wondered if he’d send me signs. Even though I’ve always believed the visions of my grandmother to be bipolar-induced hallucinations, I’ve thought – well if there really was something, I’m sure my dad would feel my pain and try to reach out in some way. But since he left us, there has been absolutely nothing. It’s disappointing, but I tell myself its silly to expect anything else (not to minimize anyone else’s experiences here – this is just in line with my own beliefs).
For me, the only signs of my dad have been my own thoughts about him every day. Maybe that’s all the universe will ever give me, but I’m far from satisfied.