“It’s not the successes in our lives that make us strong but the things that take us to our knees, that we come back from, that make us wise.” -Cesar Millan
My mother sent me this quote and I had to share. I truly believe that the strength of a person is not measured by their successes. Instead, it is measured by our ability to come back from the most difficult situations. Coping with the loss of my father was one of the most challenging events I have faced, and for many months I felt like I would never be able to be lifted off of my knees. Yet here I am today, standing proud, and talking about a subject that has been silenced for so many years. For those of you who are not ready to stand on your feet, I hope that you will find strength through our posts and know that you are not alone in your grief. We are all survivors, and quite frankly, some of the strongest people I know.
My story is a bit different. I lost my dad to suicide by GSW to the head when I was 25…some 45 yrs. ago. What makes my story different is that I had never met my dad.
My mother and father divorced when my mom was pregnant with me. She made sure I had no contact with him and no idea where he lived. When I was 21, my paternal aunt sent me his address (OK and I was in NYC) and the info that he was remarried and I had 3 half-sisters. We began writing to each other and exchanging photos, and later phone calls.
Near the end of his life, I knew he was depressed and had to stop working. I think this further depressed him. But I never imagined that he would kill himself. I wanted to visit prior to that, but had a young daughter to support and no extra money.
How can one miss a parent they’ve never met? I don’t know, but I do. I miss what I never had, I guess. I was angry that he never gave me an opportunity to meet him, but couldn’t admit it even to myself, until many years later. Instead, I was devastated and in deep pain. I turned to heroin for 18 mos. to numb the pain. I just didn’t want to feel anything. In the end, I got off the drugs and did go to OK to meet 2 of the half-sisters and my step-mom and visit the grave. My dad’s death didn’t seem real until then.
After much therapy, I faced the guilt and anger and utter sadness I felt. I never returned to drugs and also stopped drinking 27 yrs. ago today. I quit smoking 10 1/2 yrs. ago. No buffers against life…I feel everything.
I have had liver cancer twice, followed by a liver transplant, and many other medical problems and operations. But nothing has been as difficult or horrifying as that phone call I received so long ago that changed my life forever.
Connie, you are so brave for sharing your inspirational story with us – thank you. The loss of a loved one to suicide is the most difficult thing anyone could experience, regardless of how close they were. We are sorry you lost your dad this way. The accomplishments you’ve made with recovery are remarkable. We hope you will continue to find comfort in our words and keep sharing with us.
Thank you so much, Becky. It was a rough road back, but I think my dad would be proud of me.
very nice blog