“It sucks that we miss people like that. You think you’ve accepted that someone is out of your life, that you’ve grieved and it’s over, and then bam. One little thing, and you feel like you’ve lost that person all over again.”
― Rachel Hawkins, Demonglass
Sometimes, something as simple as a picture or quote can sum up feelings inside. I came upon Rachel’s words and knew immediately what she was referring to. In the immediate days, weeks and months following my loss, grief felt like a constant dark cloud of disbelief and sadness. I recall that for the longest time, my dad’s death was the first and last thought of the day. Each bringing with it the same question – did this really happen?
Over time, some partly cloudy and even sunny days started to emerge. I still think of my dad daily, but thoughts turned from the way he died to more positive memories and wishes that he was still around to share his laugh, stories and listening ear. Yet, every now and then, even as I approach the two-year mark, an unexpected grief “flash” will catch me off guard... A song on the radio, the way other young women talk about their father-daughter outings, an old business card I find with a note he scratched on the back. I give myself permission to live in the moment and feel what my mind wants me to feel at that time. I don‘t think those flashes will ever go away, and I am perfectly ok with that. Grief does not have an expiration date.
I just read the write-up in the Chicago Tribune (I still read a tree related paper). The three of you are doing a great thing. Your efforts add positively to a negative event. all the best
I too read the article in the Trib. Besides the obvious good you are doing regarding addressing the loss of your dads through suicide and the need for family members to talk about it, you need to know another way you are helping. Although I lost my dad in a different way – lung cancer – your reflections and descriptions of loss, grief and coping are so profound and very well written for anyone experiencing grief. This happens to be my parents’ anniversary and I sent several of your quotes to my mom who deeply appreciated it. I so related to your description of your dream and how happy it made you to see your dad again. Even though I’m a vivid dreamer, for months I never dreamed about my dad – and when it happened, it made me feel happy and comforted.
I would never want to sound like I’m comparing my loss with yours or lessen the impact that a death from suicide creates. But I did feel you needed to know that your words also reached beyond your original intent and helped at least 2 people (my mom and me) get through a difficult day. Thank you for your hard work and courage.
** I am very much interested in knowing where you ordered your “love, dad” bracelet. What a wonderful idea. I would love to have something like that.
Thank you for sharing your stories with us, as well! This is why we created a place for people to come listen, read and share and do hope you will continue to do so.
I purchased the bracelet through Etsy! The shop is called Surfing Silver. http://www.etsy.com/shop/surfingsilver
Thank you for sharing your story! I just happened to come across your story in an article featured in my hometown paper. I took it as a sign from my dad, pops. I lost my dad to suicide two months ago and your blog has brought me hope & strength. I used to talk to my dad every single day, now there is a void that will never be filled. Every one loved my dad, he had so many friends and touched so many lives by his big smile and kind heart. He will never know the lives he has changed! While I will never have the answers I am looking for, but it’s comforting to read your stories know that it will get easier – I will survive.