This month marks a proud moment for us – it’s our one-year “anniversary” of launching Our Side of Suicide. Early last summer, during one of our regular get-togethers, we each commented how we felt compelled to do more to bring awareness to the topic of suicide/prevention, support survivors and share about our experiences. Today, we reflect on what the past year has meant to us.
Becky’s Story
We felt so thankful to have been brought together by the Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide (LOSS) support group in Chicago and for the fact that resources like this even exist. We knew others might not have access to groups like this or someone to talk to. The idea of starting a blog felt a bit scary at first – how would it feel to put ourselves out there and talk so openly? Would anyone care what we had to say? How could you possibly find something new to say about such a dismal topic week-after-week? Somehow, the weeks and months flew by. In that time, thousands of people did discover the blog and take interest in our stories. We also liked that they shared theirs with us, as well. Some weeks are harder than others, but it surprised me how unfortunately easy it was to find new topics to write about. Suicide and loss are such complex topics and the journey we go through as survivors never ends. There is also growing awareness and discussion on mental wellness in society – though there’s still plenty of work to be done.
One of my favorite posts, “Eradicating I’d Kill Myself Innuendos,” was from July 2013 and touched on the topic of eliminating careless suicide references from our culture. To this day, I am astounded at how often I hear people say, “OMG, I’d kill myself,” over the most trivial things. Each time I hear or see a gesture, I am reminded of how not-serious people take this and how serious those who are actually suffering from depression and anxiety do.
I appreciate when readers take the time to reply to posts with thoughts of their own. Are there topics we haven’t yet written about that you would like us to share?
I just want to thank those that have stopped by the blog and who have made it a regular place to visit. I am sad that we even have to have a blog like this, but am hopeful that together we can continue healing together.
Jessica’s Story
I cannot believe that a year has passed since we decided to start this blog. It all began over dinner one night when we talked about the “idea” of creating a blog to offer hope to others who have lost a loved one to suicide. Shortly after, we were approached by the Chicago Tribune who asked to feature our story and blog on the front page. Click the links to view the beautifully written article. Chicago Tribune Article Part One and Chicago Tribune Article Part Two. I was humbled by the idea that someone wanted to tell OUR story. I am still so grateful to The Chicago Tribune for acknowledging that suicide is a real part of our society and the impact it has on survivors.
I have talked about the impact of suicide on survivors. I continue to believe that the Stages of Grief are different and more complicated than grief after the loss of a loved one to natural causes. Guilt, which I speak to in my post, “The Stages of Grief after Suicide” has an overwhelming impact on survivors, often impacting their ability to move through the various stages of grief. It was this notion that motivated me to begin this blog, as I felt few understood the depth of our pain, and the strength of both guilt and shame on someone who was already in an extremely vulnerable state. It is my hope that we have been able to offer comfort to those who are grieving. We want survivors to feel understood and know that they are not alone.
I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read our posts and visit our site. We hope that it has offered you hope and inspiration! Please continue to visit and share with anyone who may benefit from our story.
Becky, Jessica and Lindsay,
Words do not seem adequate in trying to express how much your website has been a source of comfort. My father died of suicide 16 months ago and I continue to try to understand and make sense of his death. When so much seems confusing….when my foundation has been shaken…when I wonder about where I am supposed to go from here….it is wonderful to read your posts and know there are others who can relate to what I am feeling and experiencing. It is comforting to know that I am not alone….even though it is a club which none of us would want to belong. When I receive an email indicating you have a new entry, I immediately open it to see what other topics you may be covering. It is amazing to me, with all you have covered that you manage to find new topics that are current and thought provoking! A big thank you to those involved in the LOSS program and to you wonderful ladies for opening your hearts. You certainly have touched my heart! I can only imagine how many survivors you must be consoling. I miss my dad so very much. Thank you for helping me through this difficult year!
Tish, we are so happy that you found our site and that it is a source of comfort for you. Knowing that we are assisting other survivors truly fills my heart with joy. I do agree that this is a club that you do not necessarily want to have a membership to. I do not want anyone to experience loss in the manner that we all have. I too miss my father everyday. I cannot take away what happened, but what I can do is help others as they grieve. What I have found throughout this process is how truly strong we all are. We just might not all know it yet. We hope that we can continue to offer you comfort Tish, and remind you that you are not alone!
Tish you said this so perfectly. Words can not express what this site has meant to me. Your posts feel so personal after losing my father the same time as the three of you. I “am glad” when I see an email for a new post as they always hit home and seem to always occur “at the right moment”. Thank you so much for putting yourselves out there and just know what you are doing is making a difference; at least for me.
Emily, we are so happy that our posts have made a difference in your life. It is comments like the ones on today’s post that remind us how powerful our blog is for those grieving the loss of a loved one. We will continue to write, and continue to talk in an ongoing effort to offer hope, inspiration, and support to those who have lost a loved one to suicide.
Thank you for sharing your grief story with the rest of us. It is helpful to know that others face many similar emotions or thoughts, such as the casual comments about suicide. Although it would seem like a topic that could lend itself to self-pity, your posts are in fact thoughtful, honest and always kind, even in grief, towards the one lost and the ones who remain, including your own self and your own reactions. I think after such a cataclysmic event, one can’t help but be transformed and while we have no choice on what happened, and no real power to prevent it fully; we have a choice to proceed with greater kindness and compassion to all people, realizing that each of us has deep and hidden thoughts and pains we can’t know; or to narrow down and blame/shame and become if not bitter, smaller. Grief is inescapable but grace is possible.
CJ, I completely agree with all of your statements; beautifully stated. I absolutely love your comment, “Grief is inescapable but grace is possible.” I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for your kind words about our blog and our writings. We are so happy that our blog is serving it’s purpose!
Dear Jessica, Lindsay and Becky,
I applaud you all for taking the time to start this site, blog about your experiences and share resources with others. I am very sorry for your losses. I will add your site to my resource page shortly.
I was once very depressed and suicidal. I also lost two friends to suicide (my website is dedicated to both of them). I encourage you to take a look at my resources and also welcome you to check out my free e-book called “Suicide Sucks: Move through the Pain of Suicide Loss and Learn to Laugh Again” (forward written by Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D., CBF, a dual survivor of suicide loss – her dad and brother).
The pain of losing a loved one to suicide is different from other losses. Cleaning up ‘crime scenes’, calling other loves ones about the death, giving away possessions, and dealing with the ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’ guilt complex is heart-wrenching. I am truly sorry you all have to carry this emotional burden and wish you all joy in your hearts as you walk down the path of healing.
It is my deepest hope websites like yours and mine help raise awareness about mental illness, foster conversations about mental health and wellness and offer loving support to people who have lost a loved one to suicide.
I encourage you all to keep talking, connecting with each other and sharing stories about yourselves and loved ones. Writing in my blog helped me in my healing process. And after 9 years since losing my first friend, I am more energized than ever to want to help save other people’s lives (including my own).
Christa Scalies, RYT-200, CLYL
Founder, Giggle On®
Thank you so much for your comments Christa. I am so happy to hear that there are others out there having conversations about mental health in order to raise awareness. I too am more energized than ever! It is weird to think that something good can come out of such a tragedy. However, I do believe that my purpose is to assist others as they grieve. I will check out your e-book and the resources on your page. Thank you for listing our site as a resource. We sincerely appreciate it!
Thank you so much for such a wonderful place to come to, where I know that others can relate to how I feel after losing my dearest friend James (it will be a year June 29) This past year has been really hard for me, I have my good days, and my bad days, but just knowing that you all are here for all of us, really makes a difference. Thank you so much ♥♥
Sharon, we are so happy that our blog brings you comfort. If there is one thing that I have learned is that not all days are good. On the days that I am feeling sad, I often reach out to my father. I find comfort in talking to him and believe that he is here with me. We are definitely all in this together!