My pleasant, sunny drive to work this morning took an annoying turn when my usual FM radio show hosts started to share their thoughts on a new study about the correlation between coffee consumption and suicide. According to WebMD, people who drank more than four cups of coffee a day were 53 percent less likely to commit suicide than those who drank less than one cup a day. The researchers said that caffeine in coffee can increase neurotransmitters, which can lift a person’s mood and act as a mild antidepressant.
I’m no scientist or expert, but the fact that this study was even conducted irritates me. I’m sure it has some merit, but as someone who lost a parent to suicide, it makes it sound like had my dad just drank more coffee, he would still be here. I am guessing that most other survivors are with me on this. I also wanted to believe that there would be another study out there that showed excess coffee consumption could lead to increased blood pressure or risk for heart attack – just to show how silly something like this is and that death would have come from either route. But, I was actually surprised to find more positive news about its ability to decrease risk of death by these conditions, as well. D’oh.
In any case, the morning show radio hosts had a field day with this, making a variety of insensitive comments and jokes, like “Ahh, so the next time you’re feeling suicidal, just grab a caramel macchiato and you’ll be fine.” I was so disappointed for a few reasons. First, I hate it when someone I know or “like” makes light of suicide. I was bummed that hosts I listen to daily went there and it made me change the channel. Granted, they, too, were discussing how ridiculous this study sounds, but it bothered me they chose to report on it at all. Second, as I alluded to earlier, suicide and the loss of a loved one to it couldn’t be any more serious or deep of a topic. Aside from the life of pain and grief survivors are left with, we know that our loved ones reached such an extreme level of depression that the thought of death was less painful than the thought of living. I struggle to fathom how coffee could have changed things. It’s not like the study showed taking anti-depressants, counseling or something equally as “relevant” had an impact. It was something as trivial as a beverage. Like you, I would do ANYTHING to have my dad back and it just stings to have thoughts run through my head along the lines of, “geez, if only he’d drank more coffee!”
Non-survivors might hear or read this rant and say, “don’t take this so seriously,” or “get over it.” I will after I stop writing and walk away…. But, once you have unfortunately experienced suicide in your life, and you are faced with the burden of questions and “why’s?” and “what could I have done’s,” you hear something like this and it’s just maddening.
I’m not sure if there’s an actual increase in suicide risk studies or if my ears are just perking up to it now that I’m affected, but I felt just as angry recently when news came out about the risk of suicide being revealed through people’s Facebook posts. I didn’t hyperlink the first article I read about this, which opened with “If you’re thinking about killing yourself, your Facebook posts might give you away.” Ugh! What a complete moron who wrote such a thing. Obviously, they have not been impacted by loss. I was irate. But, what it led to was information on The Durkheim Project, which monitors the social channels of U.S. veterans to log commonly-used phrases to watch for correlations with suicide. While I applaud any efforts to reduce the risk, the media had another fun pass at this – as evidenced by the way they chose to report on it.
As a survivor of suicide, I know that I am going to face reminders and innuendos every day – I recently wrote about this. My skin continues to thicken, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to feel disheartened by trivial news or the media or public’s insensitive reaction to it.
Image courtesy of fatmanspeedy.deviantart.com
Hello ladies, I want to thank you for your new site and your courage. I lost my brother 7 years ago to suicide and I have been trying to help other survivors in these situations. It does change you and family dynamics forever, my journey since Greg died has included another dead brother, a bitter divorce and time in a psych hospital . I am now fighting his former employer (which has major culpability in his suicide) because I found they are still listing his name with their phone # in the Verizon white page business listings.($1800. Per yr). This “valid ” listing also results in dozens of web results that link Greg to their web site. These Internet listings will never go away, and it looks like Greg is alive and well, selling real estate in Buffalo for the company that drove him to suicide thru bullying and lack of ethics. I too cringe in situations like you describe above, it amazes me what people will say or do in the name of humor or stupidity. Keep up the good work. Please feel free to contact me.
Hi Charles – thank you for sharing your story with us. We are sorry to hear that you have also experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide. Needless to say, the tactics of your brother’s former employer are insensitive and tasteless. It’s frustrating when individuals make this even harder for survivors than it already is. We appreciate your feedback on the blog and hope you find support and comfort in our words.
Being as it has been just over a month since my fiancée died of suicide, I am hypersensitive to any comments that I find insensitive. Such as He must not have really loved you since he was willing to do this….What? willing? he was driven to it. And yes I am angry, but not at him. And Yes I know the love we had was real and wonderful. Am I suppose to feel anger because I don’t . I feel deep grief unbareable grief, despair and lonliness. I never knew anyone who had died by suicde and the questions and guilt are unbelievable. I am sorry people are so insensitive. .
Alison, what you are feeling is completely normal! (Though, it sounds awkward to say something like that given the subject.) Jessica just wrote a great post about the stages of grief, and you’ll see that different emotions swirl day-by-day, minute-by-minute. I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling right now. We were all right there at that moment, too. I didn’t understand the point of life. It just felt so cheapened by my dad’s actions. It actually feels like a complete blur looking back. I know that there’s not much I can say that will help at this time, but please know that there are people who care about you deeply and support you. We hope that you can find a sliver of comfort in our words. I immersed myself in so many books, as well as support groups and a counselor (whom I still see), to try and make sense of this. I still can’t… But, what has brought me comfort is the support I have received from fellow survivors who understand. I hope we can deliver that for you.
I have found that there are complete blanks in my memory, I barely recall Johns wake funeral etc… Often through out the day my mind goes blank and I am in the middle of doing something I don’t recall started. I think the overwhelming guilt I feel is just so predominate that nothing else is registering. I sit here day after day, listening to the quiet… I did this when my son died 2 years ago. John came to me the night before he did this, and I told him I would help but I didn’t have time to think through a complete plan. I just didn’t have enough time. Oh God if I had seen the signs… I feel I let him down